Dadisms

Over the course of the 8 months I've been a daddy, I've found myself saying things that are both funny and so unusual that I never would have thought that I'd be saying them to another person. Here are just a few of my "dadisms" for your enjoyment:

• "Shoes are for your feet, not your mouth!"
• "Stop touching your poop!"
• "Be nice to mommy's face!"
• "We don't kick people in the face while they're asleep, baby."
  
• "I said stop touching your poop!"
• "Ow! We don't pull armpit hair!"
• "I really need you to stop touching your poop."
• "I'm gonna eat your face! Num num num."
• "Don't beat mommy. She's trying to sleep."
• "If you would just stop rolling over for one minute, I could finish putting this diaper on you and then you could go back to playing. You've got to stop rolling over on the changing table in order for me to do that. I just need one minute of your time. Seriously, that's all it's gonna take. Just lay still for one minute, I'll put the diaper on, and we're done. Understand? Baby, please stop touching your poop."